this is how we do it

The Philippine midterm elections are coming up next month, and once again, we prove that anything political can be a riot if we truly try hard enough. Legislative and local positions are up for grabs for literally ANYONE who has the money and the charisma to try.

What is the criteria? Well, you must be a Philippine citizen, age may vary depending on position (older=wiser=higher position=more money to steal), and most importantly the candidate must have to read and write. It's just like getting into elementary school!

The general divide in the political circus is: Together Everyone Achieves More (TEAM) Unity (Filipinos are SO CORNY) and the Genuine Opposition (not just any, but the genuine kind). With their respoective party leaders: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Joseph Estrada. Estrada is still in jail the last time I checked, and Arroyo might as well join him.

Who are this year's funniest candidates? One is Richard Gomez who is the Philippine equivalent of Tom Cruise (why? Because his wife is taller than him, mostly, and fine, he makes a lot of money doing what he does... acting) and Cesar Montano. I'd say Montano is the Billy Bob Thornton equivalent. He's tattoo-ed up and a washed-up actor, need I say more?

I cannot rest easy knowing that the fate of my country may lie in the hands of lunatics! We all know that money makes the lives of these people go 'round... but they are not simply living within their means, politicians can easily purchase houses, BMWs, Mercedes-Benzs for all their wives and girlfriends... it's just madness.

On a personal note, my father's sister is running for Congress. My father, being the good brother that he is, is the official "money holder" of the campaign. He simply walks around with his bodyguards (some are not really bodyguards but unemployed "friends" he brought with him from the U.S. who could use a couple bucks), holding the money purse, going back and forth to the banks and so forth. The money holder is responsible for purchasing all things for the campaign. So far, he and my grandfather have hired magicians, singers, and dancers to be part of the official campaign. Hopefully people are mesmerized by this entertainment and my aunt wins her seat (yeah right!).

U.S. elections are not as fun as this, I believe. We're all serious with cancer coming back and forth in some candidates and concerned about whether he/she stands for abortion or implementing an exit strategy in Iraq. In the Philippines, all that matters is that your candidate entertains you enough to make you pencil in their name on your ballot.